A Slow Fade…
When we last spoke, I shared about two of the most important people in my life as an adult. Being a father was always something I looked forward to and celebrated in my family. I remember older relatives announcing pregnancies, and joy spreading through the family as we gathered together during the holidays in that crowded single-wide trailer.
Before I tell this story, understand that I have loved being a step-father. My son is a treasured part of my life, and the Lord brought me to my family for a reason. But…. to understand my story and the path that I have been on, you have to understand the slow fade that begins after I met my son.
My wife and I were young, well, younger than we are now, when we got married, and we, as a family, started our journey. We wanted to have a child to be a brother or sister to our son. After months of trying, it was becoming evident that something was wrong.
I went to the doctor, and that was a process I will never speak about. Ha.
The doctor entered with bad news. His words were, "It's in God's Hands." He explained only about 20% of my already low count was viable. He said I would never be able to have children. I will never forget his face.
Honestly, it bothered me, but not as you might expect. I had my son at home, and I love him. I felt he was in my life for a reason. As a Christian, I trusted that the Lord had a plan. I was sad I wouldn't have that moment of celebration in my Grandmother’s trailer, but I was okay with it.
Where I struggled with all of this was in my job. As you know, I dedicated myself to education and found it hardest to handle this news when two things happened. First, it was hard to work with children all day who had families who didn’t always take the best care of them. Don’t hear what I am not saying. 99% of families are doing their best and trying to do what they can for their children, but educators will tell you that 1% is heartbreaking. The second area I was struggling with was when my fellow educators would ask when we were going to have another child. They didn’t know, and it was never easy telling them, but when you work in an elementary school, you get that question often.
So why is this all important? I said I was good with it and even celebrated the family that I have. What you have to understand is that losing yourself is not a quick process. It has so many small pieces and consists of hundreds of small actions, decisions, and life changes that slowly fade you away from who you were. It is a slow fade away from the Lord’s light and your happiness.
I was able to move past this moment quickly. I am blessed with a wonderful wife and a son I’m proud of. Looking back, this was an important part of a much bigger story.
Remember, when you are lost and do not know where to turn, the Lord provides us with strength to find the path back to him. He put me in my profession and in my school to help that 1%. My profession became my passion, because I know he placed me perfectly and divinely to serve the community in his light. You should take stock in moments where you feel lost and look at all those little moments that led to that feeling. It is difficult, and it will be hard, but remember you are not alone. He is always with you, He has a plan for you, and there are plenty of us out there who have felt that way before.
Talk again soon….
