Stepping away this week to recharge. Talk again soon.

I Love You

Three words.

If I haven't told you lately, I do.

We are on this journey together, and we have spoken about how we are there for each other through hurt, pain, sadness, shame, and whatever we encounter on this path.

When we spoke the last few times, we talked about how we move forward from the circumstances that have caused us to feel lost. We committed to the statement, our circumstances do not dictate truth. We tried to avoid the crutches we use to slow our progress, and we spoke about moving forward together.

Moving forward to the person we are going to be. Forward to the love of Christ. Forward to the person He sees in us.

Away from the shame of our circumstances, our past actions, and the hurt inside.

When we last spoke, we discussed how this journey is hard. It’s messy. It can seem lonely if you do not look around you.

But…

What you need to remember more than anything…

it can be ACCOMPLISHED through HIM.

One step at a time. With His love.

When we last spoke, we talked about how sometimes we use crutches to slow our own progress in finding ourselves. We try to hide because of the shame we feel about a situation, using many different types of excuses. Excuses that keep us from the one relationship we all need. A relationship with Jesus.

SO…

How do we make progress?

One step at a time.

The last time we spoke, we explored how we need to walk out of shame and walk to the Father. I know that some of you may be walking through something right now and are probably thinking, “Sure, it is just that simple. Jerk.”

Simple.

Turn to the Father, and all will be okay.

No journey is easy. This walk out of shame and back to finding myself again, finding the man I want to be, and the man the Lord sees in me, is not simple. It is a long and difficult journey.

Long.

Tiresome.

Filled with obstacles to overcome.

When we last spoke, I admitted something that I haven’t admitted to only a few people in my life, so welcome to the circle. As I said last time, I had come to a point where I could not recognize myself. I had seen my doctor, and I had to find a way to do what is most important: talk.

What had gripped me was the feeling that many of us know, and that keeps us from knowing a full relationship with friends, family, and the Lord.

Shame.

The last time we spoke, we talked about healing. Healing explicitly implies pain. Some time ago, I spoke about pain and the many forms it comes in.

Sometimes pain is invisible.

Caused by something you didn’t see coming.

Slowly growing and becoming an overwhelming issue which somehow you overlooked.

The process of healing is not one which is short, so that process is ongoing. She still needs to see our doctor and have maintenance done on her foot. He has become a person whom we trust in this process, and we are probably always going to be connected. Healing doesn’t happen overnight and is not a quick process.

When we last spoke, I shared that we had a new plan, and because of the comfort level that the Lord had given me, I was actually comfortable moving forward. As you can probably foresee, this plan proved to be the most successful. Even though my wife would have a long way to go, and even today we still deal with issues, she was going to be on a path to healing.

The glory of that last statement goes to the Lord, but He put so many people in our paths to help us on this journey. Without many of these folks, we would not be where we are today. This week, I want to tell you about these folks who played such a vital role in her healing.

The last time we spoke, I shared a story of how the Lord had intervened earlier in my life to put me on the path that led to that day with Willard and to the women I love. Even though we were suffering through a traumatic event, from that experience on, I felt as though we were going to be okay. If the Lord and His Holy Trinity were "thinking of us," then there was truly nothing we could not come through together.

The last time we spoke, I shared a very private and emotional moment in my life when the Lord spoke to me. Although that was the first and most direct time the Lord spoke to me, it wasn’t the only time in my life that I believe He intervened.

Even before I accepted the Lord into my life and my heart, I have always believed He stepped in to put me back on the path to the life He had always envisioned for me.

I hope each of you has had a wonderful week. I prayed for all of you.

Where were we... Oh yes, I was staring into the eyes of what I know to be the Lord.

As I stood there, it was as if time was standing still. I know it wasn't a long period of time, but it felt like a lifetime. My heart was pounding in my chest, and it was almost as if I was aware of my breathing, my heartbeat, and this overwhelming force that was filling me.

Although I knew it was Him, it was Willard who was staring at me, and then he started to speak.

The first time I heard of an incident like this, I believe it was in 1994. It was then that a woman made a grilled cheese sandwich and saw the face of the Mother Mary. That same grilled cheese was auctioned off in 2004 for $28,000.

In another incident during the 1970s, a woman in France claimed she had multiple visits from Jesus. During these visits, she was given messages about His coming return.

In another very public portrayal of someone meeting with Jesus, the movie Heaven Is for Real recounts the encounter that 4-year-old Colton Burpo had after nearly dying from a ruptured appendix. Side note—I love this movie and the acting in it. It is wonderfully portrayed and makes me cry every time.

There are a bunch of different incidents like this that I was aware of growing up. By nature, I am skeptical when these types of events become public knowledge. I always felt that these people needed those moments and saw what they wanted to see. I struggled to give up the idea of control—the idea that we are not in control of the situation. I know now that there is only God's way, and we have to surrender.

Yesterday was July 4th, our country's Independence Day. The celebrations are nice, and July 4th has always held special importance in my heart, as my hometown has a tradition of big fireworks and celebrations. The 4th is also the first day I woke up in my current hometown and the day that I asked my wife to be my wife.

Because it was a day of celebration, I want to use today’s post to celebrate someone else: caretakers.

After last week's post, I think it's important to pause for a moment.

What we're walking through is a long story—one that isn't always easy to read, and certainly hasn't been easy to live. I've lived every chapter of it, and some of those chapters have been incredibly difficult. Because of that, I want to step away from our story for a week and share something that is happening right now.

Recently, my life has entered a new season. Every new season brings change, and change can be difficult for anyone. For me, this particular season has been especially challenging. The interesting part is that I know this change is ultimately for my good. In fact, I truly believe the Lord has orchestrated it. Even knowing that, however, doesn't make it easy.

Warning!

This week’s post is all about the pain of our situation and how it comes in both physical and mental ways. I have included pictures of our journey. Do not look if you are unable to handle such things.

When we last spoke, we were discussing the emotional roller coaster my wife and I were on and how sad we both were. Another emotion that no one talks about during these traumatic moments is anger.

Before we get started, I want to address a question you may have. The title of this story is "Find me again," but it focuses on the journey my family has been on. It is within that story that I found myself getting lost. As you read, you see our story, you will see the trauma that we have endured, but you will also see how I seem to lose who I am, and then hopefully how I found my way back to someone who resembles me again. I owe all of this to Jesus.

I hope that each of you reading this has had a great week and is as blessed as I am by retelling this story. I will say that going back and really thinking about these important moments has been tough, but therapeutic at the same time. The book of James (1:2-4) speaks to us about considering tough times as pure joy,, as they help us build perseverance. I agree with that, but have you ever been to a point where you think, “Ok, I get it, enough of this lesson.”  I have been there too, but by looking back at the times we have struggled through, I can see the growth we have made and how my relationship with Jesus has grown.