Finding My Way Back to Me….

The last time we spoke, we talked about healing. Healing explicitly implies pain. Some time ago, I spoke about pain and the many forms it comes in.

Sometimes pain is invisible.

Caused by something you didn’t see coming.

Slowly growing and becoming an overwhelming issue which somehow you overlooked.

Even though my wife was healing and walking again, and truthfully, I was so relieved and happy to see her doing the things she enjoyed again, I couldn’t have more of a reason to be happier. So why this cloud of pain?

In the silence of good times, I had time to examine my own thoughts. I didn’t always like what I found. I had spent so much time worried, rushing around, always consumed with one thing or another, that I hadn’t taken time to process things for myself. In the busy days, there was always the next task to complete, the next task, the next emergency that took my attention and took my thoughts away. In the quiet, those thoughts were free to run.

I had been sad throughout this process. I am not saying that. What I am saying is that it was in the happiest moments when I finally took stock of everything. I felt as though now that she was OK, I no longer had to be strong and could start to feel the emotions I had buried so deep.

But…. I am a man, and we don’t do those things.

That was my thought.

I held this feeling for a couple of months.

I didn’t talk about it.

I shoved it down.

It started to affect me, so I had no choice but to ask for help. I spoke to my doctor, and she told me that she would help me. I had used medication before, and now it wouldn’t be a large dose, just enough to help with anxiety. This is tough to admit, which is why I didn’t tell anyone for a long time.

There is nothing wrong with using medication, but the stigma that comes with it makes people, like me, hide the fact that they need help. In the end, the medication for me just gave me the help I needed to do what I needed to do—to start a conversation about what I was feeling.

Sometimes we need to talk.

Sometimes we just need to trust in the people that love us.

Sometimes we just need to trust that the Lord has divinely placed the right people in our lives for every struggle we face.

Our God is a loving God, who knows our worries, our concerns, and our pain.

Our pain is His pain, and it is not too much for Him.

When you are facing pain, even to a point where you don’t recognize yourself anymore, turn to Him.

I did, and He started me back on the road to me, again.

Talk again soon……