When we last spoke, I admitted something that I haven’t admitted to only a few people in my life, so welcome to the circle. As I said last time, I had come to a point where I could not recognize myself. I had seen my doctor, and I had to find a way to do what is most important: talk.
What had gripped me was the feeling that many of us know, and that keeps us from knowing a full relationship with friends, family, and the Lord.
Shame.
Shame can keep each of us from submitting ourselves to Jesus and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us. We are ashamed of what has happened, what we did, what we are thinking, how we are feeling, and simply how we feel we let the Lord down.
That is where I was.
I felt shame that I felt the way I did. Shame that I was so sad for myself. Why was I so upset? My wife was walking again, and she was finally doing so much better. Still, shame gripped me. I felt ashamed that I was angry that we had gone through all of this. I felt shame that I wasn’t “man enough” to choke these feelings down and struggle on. It affected my relationships, my work, my self-esteem, and most of all, my relationship with the Lord.
Ashamed that I felt this way when He had done so much for us.
Ashamed to admit that I was “weak.”
Shame is the tool of the enemy, and he uses it to make us put a wedge between our heart and the Father, and in my case, he had started to succeed.
I heard something a time back, and I started to repeat this to myself. I was told, “We all have these feelings, and all of them are lies.” I know this to be true. If you examine your inner feelings, you will find that we have things we believe about ourselves. Mine is that I am not smart enough and that I am not good enough.
We all have these beliefs about ourselves, and none of them are true. At times, I have let these two things cause me to hold back. Then shame sets in. The enemy knows these thoughts about ourselves and uses them to make us ashamed of who we are and to separate us from the Lord.
Once I started talking about how I felt during this time period, I felt the darkness lift, the weight got lighter, and I started to realize that I needed to run to the Lord and not hide in shame. I will always hold the friends who helped during this time as dear in my heart.
They listened. They didn’t judge.
They reminded me that they had feelings like this too.
That these beliefs are not true.
That the Lord knows all these things about us already because He created us. He has been with us from the beginning and knows what we have done, what we will do, and wants to be the Father we run to.
If you are out there and feel like the darkness is swarming you, remember you are not alone. Shame cannot hold you. Shame is no match for the LOVE of the Father. Run to Him.
Start the walk back to you! Start the walk to the person the Lord knows who you are! Walk back to Him.
It may seem to be so far away, but the only way to get there is one step at a time. We will be there with you, walking our own path, and one of us will be there to offer a hand to you if you stumble.
AND… never forget… The Father is with you.
Holding you.
Loving you.
Helping to find you again!
Talk again soon…
