Facing Pain….

The last few times we spoke, it was about the different emotions that a person who is experiencing this type of trauma has to go through. Of course, there is sadness, anger, and a constant sense of worry.  One non-emotion, an emotion that is so hard to deal with, is pain. In this, I can speak about it in two different ways.

Physical Pain-  This type of pain is obvious. I mean, you had a surgery, things went wrong, and you are in pain. What no one speaks about is how incredibly hard this pain would be and how long it would last. The pain that my wife had to deal with in her foot has lessened over time, or she has learned to deal with it and hide it somewhat. The truth is that it is now three years from the date of her surgery, and she still deals with consistent and constant pain from a wound that will probably never fully heal. People don’t describe all the nights when pain medication wouldn’t even touch the pain. The visits to the doctor’s office were where he would perform debridement’s to remove unhealthy tissue. This is without local anesthetic. This is simply grit your teeth as he cuts dead tissue in an ever-widening hole in your foot.

—------------ Warning—--------  I have included this week a picture of the wound, so you can see what she was dealing with. If you have a weak stomach or don’t like such things, please don’t scroll down.

On top of the painful debridements, there was the constant cleaning of the wound with what smelled like bleach. It works wonders for keeping wounds clean, but it doesn’t feel great. I was cleaning my wife’s wounds (and packing gauze into her foot. Yes, I said in to.) three times daily for a very long time and still to this day clean and wrap it each night before she goes to sleep.  This is an everyday thing. Pain has become commonplace for her. It is in this that our faith was incredibly challenged. We have worked through this and come to a place of peace, but living each day with pain is horrible.

Beyond the cleanings and debridements, she had to endure over 6 skin grafts to get her wound to heal closed. It will never be the same, but the skin has finally closed, and she has no open wound.  

​Mental Pain-  This type of pain is much more damaging. With physical pain, you can see a wound. You know what is causing it. On the mental side of pain, you have to watch as people in your life start to forget the pain you are suffering through each day. As life went on, I started seeing people moving forward in life, while we were still facing this horrible situation every day. In total, she would go about 18 months with an open wound on her foot, in constant pain. It is not that people didn’t care, but they just didn’t understand what was happening. That was painful for a different reason. To have people look at her and give the perception that they were tired of hearing about her pain and situation. She was devastated, and relationships changed because of it.

It was devastating to me watching all of this.  Having to watch the person you loved so much have to deal with this pain on a daily basis. Crying was commonplace in our house for both of us. We came together and became stronger, but this path has changed both of us forever. As a caregiver, you know there is nothing more you can do, but in the end, you stay strong so they can endure. What is happening is that you are suffering in silence, and you are not dealing with your own pain.  A pain of helplessness. Earlier this year, I wrote about the father of the two sons. One who stayed and one who took his inheritance and left. The hopelessness that father must have felt watching his son walk away. The pain in that moment must have been so overwhelming. I know it did for me.

If you are dealing with pain like this, you are not alone. Is someone you love suffering from an injury like my wife? Are you dealing with addiction, or is it someone you love? Have you been suffering and hiding your pain? Please know that the Lord is there to take that burden from you (Psalm 55:22). Are you so angry at the Lord that you don’t speak with him right now? I know, I have been there.  It may seem impossible, because sometimes it seems like he has left you. It feels like you're all alone, but know you are not. He is with all of us. He is there in the hard times and the wonderful times. It is your pain that is not allowing you to feel his presence.  I hid my pain for a long time. I finally spoke to the Lord and opened up to some trusted friends. It is the only reason I have come through all of this. You can too.

Talk again soon….

—------------ Warning—--------

The Beginning

This near the beginning. Not the very beginning, but close. Don’t worry that is Iodine.

This starting the skin graft process.

As you can see the wound is very deep and open, but the red is actually part of one of the first of multiple skin grafts.

This is where we are today.

It looks much better, but still gives her pain.